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It's a tough moment.

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The Real Cat

It's a tough moment.

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The Real Cat
It's bee a long long time since I, Sihnnik, have said anything within the confines of the deeper journal, but the time has come for me to speak for Indigo.

The lineage has revealed a new crush... and a new disappointment.

Manuel Santana. Dulcimer by LJ name.

So many wonderful things about this glorious man... just the right age, too.

Just now... he's decided he wants the more of a boy and the less of the man. No daredevil big guy with ego, but the shorter, skinny, quieter boy whom he can love and take care of.

What's worse... is that he wasn't into frisky stuff with the big guys. With the little guys, he admits he is...............

...God... you don't even know the pain Indigo endured reading that.

He wants a smaller guy, one whom he can take care of and be dom to. He used to think he wanted to be sub, but now he doesn't like it at all. He wants to be dom and take care of his lover, his little loverboy.

My height and weight, I had always known, but never expected to actually be hurt by, are a huge huge huge reason for my being alone. The reason for it being painful with Manuel... is because he is 5'8". You all know I am nearly 6'0", just under it at 5'11".

At least our parents are coming to visit tomorrow, though they won't know of these inner conflicts... at least some love, familiarity, and hugs will come around.

We need it so much.

I hate being alone.

Indigo hates being alone.

We hate being alone.

What is our purpose for this... why must we face this pain, for what?
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